I contacted our advocate at Lifeline again today, as I lost my copy of our Child Desired form. I can’t remember exactly what we put on the form anymore, as my pediatrician helped me fill it out the night before we left for vacation and it was a bit of a blur.
Now that we are DTC and LID is probably just a couple weeks away, I wanted to know how long it might take before we could hope to get a referral. We are wanting a little girl that is at least 10 months younger than our youngest daughter, who is not yet 2 1/2, with minor or correctable special needs.
I asked whether we would be able to start looking at files the day we get logged in, or if it takes a little while. Much to my dismay, she said it could take up to six months before we are even shown one file, in light of what we are waiting for. Six months! And that is just to see one file…what if we don’t accept that file? It could be longer before we see another one…
I have been battling discouragement all day about that. She said that many of the orphanages are partnering with adoption agencies now–and this is a great thing for the children and the adoptive families! But it means there are fewer and fewer children on the Shared List each month, and those on the Shared List are often older or with more significant special needs. Our agency partners with 11 orphanages, which sounds like a lot, but I guess it may take quite awhile to see a file.
Ever since we started this process I have been praying that the Lord would enable us to get a referral for a child that would be no older than 16 months at the time of the referral…so under 2 years of age when we bring her home. Now I am wondering if that is even possible?! I have been told all along it is unlikely, but I keep praying for it, as I know it can happen. Truth be told, I even pray we could bring home a child that would be under 18 months old when we bring her home, but that is practically unheard of from what I hear…yet that is my prayer. I know the Lord can do it if it is His will! But I confess, this news left me reeling a bit, wondering whether my hopes and prayers are so unrealistic that it could never come to pass.
I am trying to look on the bright side and trust the Lord. After another 6 months passes, our daughter will be almost 3 years old. That would put her at 3 1/2 by the time we bring her sister home, and I’ll admit, it will be easier to head to China once she is older and understands more what is going on. It would be very hard to leave her now.
And if she is 3 1/2, our adopted daughter could be 2 1/2, which seems to be a fairly typical age for the children coming home. They would be a year apart, so as time passes, the likelihood of getting a referral that is at least a year younger than our daughter increases.
Next year is also our oldest son’s senior year, and I have been wondering how the timing will come together between the adoption and everything next year will require of us…this delay would allow us to get through the busy fall football season, college applications, etc.
Trying to find a silver lining here…but I am still disappointed. It’s tough, but we need to trust God’s sovereignty over all of this. He alone knows what the future holds. He alone knows the timeline and which child He has in mind for our family, and her circumstances as well as ours. We need to cling to that, trusting His loving kindness and faithfulness in the midst of disappointments and unknowns.